I know you are depressed about the recent departure from your administration of Van Jones, the Green Jobs Czar. I am quite sure that his untimely departure has left a hole in your Czarist system of unaccountable administrative officials. However, I know you will soon find a replacement and America will once again have someone to govern the oh so important Green Job Movement from their desk in the White House.

 I have to admit, I never realized that there were so many potential Czars out there. “Green Jobs Czar”? Who would have thunk it? So, Mr. President, I started pondering the situation and I asked a few friends on Facebook to ponder with me as well, the policy positions and Czar titles that you may not have come up with yet.

Czar for Russian History – Czar Czar

Czar in charge of chain discount stores – Tsar-Get (Czar can be spelled “Czar” and “Tsar.” Both are pronounced the same way)

Czar for the Pirate situation off the African Coast – Arrrrgh Czar

Czar for Recreation – The Sports Czar and Grill

Czar to update the President on the Mafia – Czar Face

Czar for Motor Sports – NAS-Czar

Czar in charge of motorcycles – Czarley Davidson (Greg Williams)

Czar for Science Fiction – Czar Wars

Czar in charge of our national anthem – Czar Spangled Banner

Czar in charge of coffee – Czarbucks (Sam Morse)

Czar in charge or business – Biz-Czar

Czar in charge of flea markets – Bazaar Czar (Charlie Harper)

Czar for alcohol and distilled spirits – Booz-Czar

Group to handle infectious disease – Czars (SARS)

Czar in charge of BBQ – Czar Grilled (Anna Mendenhall)

Czar for Italian oceanography – SEA-Czar

Czar of seeing things that are not close – Far Czar (Doug Grammer)

Czar for golf – Par Czar

Czar in charge of union relations – Czar Check

Czar in charge of Jane Fonda – Czarbarella (Greg Williams)

An unconfirmed Executive Official that starts brush fires – A Czarsonist (Doug Deal)

Czar in charge of Hollywood celebrities – Star-Czar (Michael Waldrip)

Czar in charge of coffee – Czarbucks (Sam Morse)

Czar in charge of comedy – Harr de harr harr Czar

Czar of record retention – Czar-Banes Oxley (Kristen Bennett)

Czar for cigarettes – The Czarboro Man (Greg Williams)

Czar in charge of highway paving material – Tar Czar (Marcus Adams)


And last, but not least, from Doug Deal:


Czar in charge of selling wildly designed women’s foundation garments with a former Congressman at a flea market – the Bob Barr Bizarre Brazier Bazaar Czar

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